Like I always say, I usually try to blog when I am upset so here goes...
I swear it seems like every time I START to get the whole "trying to get pregnant" thing off of my mind(which is hardly ever), I find out someone else is pregnant. Not only one person now, its like another freaking baby boom in my town. It's ridiculous! I just feel like I am all alone. I don't wish infertility on anyone but I wish I had a friend who knew what I was going through. Everyone tries to be sympathetic but unless you've been through it, you don't know. I just don't understand what is so wrong me that I can't be a mother?? I am such a good person and I try my best to be nice to everyone. I don't know why I have to go through all of this pain but I just pray that one of these days I will get to have a blessing to call my own. Only that will erase all of my pain. I have so much love to give that seems to be just going to waste while there are so many women in the world who will have abortions, give their babies up, or simply not love them. Why? Why can't I be the lucky one? I should be planning my baby's 1st birthday in a couple of weeks but instead, here I am still with empty arms. It's been a year and a half and I still think about it everyday. I am just ready to feel like I have a whole heart, not one with a huge hole in the middle. Everyone keeps saying "It will happen, don't lose your patience yet" "keep your faith" etc....well its been about 5 years and I'm STILL waiting...so tell me do you think you could still be patient? I'm to the point that I just don't know what else to do. Invitro fertilization is one of our next steps and it's about $15000.00. That's not pocket change. Why do people who want babies so bad have to go through all of this? The ones who DON'T deserve babies should be cursed with infertility then there wouldn't be so many neglected babies in the world. "Help me Lord because I don't understand your ways but even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same."
But anyways I guess that's all for now...have a nice day!
