When the Cradle is Empty.

So, I have started reading this AMAZING book by John & Sylvia Van Regenmorter. It's called "When the Cradle is Empty: Answering Tough Questions About Infertility". I honestly cannot believe how much it sounds like me. I mean I was only on page 3 and I was tearing up and it just sounds like I could be the author. I am only on page 33 right now but there are so many things I would like to post from the book already, I wish I could just post the whole book for everyone to read!! Even if you can pop babies out like candy, you still need to read this book. It was written for couples facing infertility or pregnancy loss, but even if you don't fall into these categories, it helps you to understand what "we" are going through. Even though most family and friends "mean" well, 90% of the time, they are the ones who hurt you the most with the comments that they make. The book says "We experienced well-meaning but ignorant advice" Which I get all of the time from people who mean no harm but just don't understand. For example, (got this from the book) Here are the top 10 comments that infertile couples HATE to hear:
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10. "Guess who's pregnant---Again!!"
9. "It will happen when you're ready" or "It will happen in God's time"
8. "So-and-so prayed and they got pregnant right away"
7. "You're being too sensitive" or "Just accept it and go on" or "We all have problems"
6. "Do you want me to give you a few pointers?" or "Are you sure you know how babies are made?"
5. "I get pregnant so easily! My husband can look at me and a baby is on the way!"
4. "You're lucky you don't have kids" or "Why do you want them anyway" or (I HATE this one!!!!!--->)"I'll gladly give you a couple of mine, you'll be bringing them back very soon!" or "You don't know how good you have it, your're house is never dirty!"
3. "You're not getting any younger" or HATE this one too---->"Atleast, You're still YOUNG!"
2. "Adopt!! Then, you'll get pregnant for sure!"
1. HATE these too, and I hear them alot---->"Just Relax!!"You're trying too hard!" or "You're thinking about it too much!" or "Go on a vacation or take a cruise!"

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Also, I got this poem off of page 30/31 and wanted to share it:

I am in pain. Someone just died. Who, you say? Someone who never was. I am infertile. My period just came. I hurt so much. My own body keeps reminding me that I am incomplete. I don't function properly. Why? Why? WHY? Oh, my baby, why can't you be?

So true for so many women!!
There's another part in the book that talks about the guilt you begin to feel. This is one part where I cried because even though I can't help it, I feel this way every single day. Sylvia talks about the anger first and then the slip into depression.
"You begin to hate it when you're friends excitedly tell you that they are pregnant. You make excuses for not attending baby showers, but that only makes you feel terribly guilty."

Another part she talks about a conversation she overheard in the OB/GYN office. I hear these types of conversations all the time and I just want to punch someone out. I guess until you've been down this road, you don't have a clue!! One of the women was about 37 and pregnant with her 6th child, the other about 18. Here is there convo:

The younger one asked the older one if she was happy with her pregnancy. "Oh yes," the older one replied. "But I'll just be glad when it's over; I just hope we have a boy. I've had 5 girls, and my husband will kill me if it's a girl." The younger one declared that she hoped she wasn't pregnant. "I'm too young to have a baby!" she said matter of factly. "Of course, if I am pregnant, I will have an abortion. There's no way I'm taking care of a kid!"

Sylvia said she hid her tears behind her magazine and prayed,
"Dear God, why are You giving a 6th child to a family that already has 5--and they're fussy about the gender to boot? Why didn't You make me pregnant instead of this immature teenager? Then Your world could be spared another abortion."
I honestly don't know how many time I have questioned God about things like this. I know I shouldn't but it is so hard! I use these scriptures everyday to help me.

But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed. --Habakkuk 2:3 AND 'For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me in earnest, you will find me when you seek me. --Jeremiah 29:11-13

I could just go on and on about this book. I highly recommend anyone to read it. They have also written other books about infertility that I plan to read! I am sure I will post more as I get more in depth in the book.

UPDATE:

Since the whole reason for having this blog was to keep people updated with us, I had one post op appt on August 10 and he wants me to come back on August 24 for another ultrasound and to set me up with the fertility pill, Femera. Maybe not too much longer now!!!(Didn't I say that 4 years ago?!?! LOL)

I hope everyone has a wonderful and blessed day!! :)

Surgery is Done!!!

So I had my surgery yesterday and believe me...I was a nervous wreck!! It wasn't so bad though, of course because I was knocked smooth out, lol! He didn't find any endometriosis, thank the GOOD Lord! He said everything looked pretty good for the most part. My colon was attached to my uterus so he unattached them. He said that could be where a lot of my pain and pressure are coming from. It might have been causing my lower back pressure but I don't see how that would make my ovaries and cervix cramp?? Hopefully it doesn't come back though.

He went in through my belly button, then did a small incision below my navel and one right about my pelvic bone. My stomach is very sore today. Feels like it has a lot of pressure for it just being 3 small cuts. I will upload some pics for you all to see even though it's not that big of a deal. He has me on an antibiotic, phenagren(sp?) for nausea, and some pain pills. I don't know which one it is, but one of them is making me VERY, VERY irritable!!! Ughh...I actually feel sorry for people around me, lol.
I go back on August 10th for him to take my stitches out and stuff and we ARE going to do fertility pills again instead of going straight to artificial insemination. I will be on Femera. I just want to thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers. Now maybe the next step will be updating you on my pregnancy!! :) Hope you all have a wonderful day!

Oh, also I want to thank my husband, mom and granny for being there for me. I don't know what I would do without them taking care of me. I love y'all! Juan has been great! Although we do have our ups and downs at times, I am truly blessed to have such a wonderful husband. God knew what he was doing when he put us together! And I know he will be a wonderful father as well! I love you so much baby!!!!!